Beloved friend, dearly loved by countless family and friends, who shines with hope and selfless thoughts of others, who battles a fight with stage IV cancer, rushed two weeks ago to the hospital to learn that her husband, her best friend, was killed in a sudden, shocking accident.
Wordless sorrow is grief. Numb, shocked, emotionally flatlined. Going through motions while everyone maintains normal.
Adrenaline runs higher, faster, chasing the mind with what the heart can’t catch. Stealing from the mind what the heart can only produce in tears. A frenetic ping-ponging of mind and heart, both playing the darkest game of cat and mouse.
When feeling replaces numb shock, sorrow sucks. Sucks breath, sucks energy, sucks ability, sucks rest, sucks rationale, sucks life while the spirit crawls in soul suffering. What gives reprieve from relentless sorrow? What brings small solace?
Praying through agonizing cries of my heart, for this most beloved friend and heart-sister, blindsided by the soul-slamming sorrow of losing her spouse, her earthly rock, her strong supporter, her soulmate and trusted earthly beloved in the midst of an already life-threatening storm.
Still places in the Word, small, quiet words.
“but”
Psalm 55:1-3, 4, 16-17
“Give ear to my prayer, O God, and hide not yourself from my plea for mercy! Attend to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and I moan.”
“My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen upon me.”
“But
I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice.”
“when”
Psalm 56:3
“When
I am afraid, I put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?”
“You”
Psalm 56:8
“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?”
Answers rest in the sightlessness of faith – but God – when I am afraid – You hear, You keep, and You put.
“When sorrows like sea billows roll…
Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight, the clouds be rolled back as a scroll, the trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend, ‘Even so’ – it is well with my soul.”
Wellness in sorrow is being in God’s arms, held to His beating heart, knowing He keeps count of soul-crushing tossings and that He collects every tear.
Psalm 73:28
“But
for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge.”
Words, cried one breath at a time. Tears, saved one by one. Sorrow, held by You.
To care tangibly for Brooke and her beloved children:
https://www.gofundme.com/turner-family-support
Turner Family Support